Arhythmetic - Marriage and all that

1: So, whats the big deal about getting married?
2: Nothing if you are already doing the dishes, I guess..
1: Oh...and if one isn't in the mood to do that?
2: Time to get out of that...
1: The mood?
2: Naa.. the misconception..
1: Huh?
2: That you have a choice!
1: What the..!!

The Winter Spirit

As the Christmas fire chokes,
and holds on to its last embers,
in the coldest night yet,
of this winter, of this December.
With a festive spirit to search
for warm sunny days,
We will look at clear skies
and remember foggy days.

Conceited

Wrap that threadbare shroud of self-respect around you, 
cover your eyes with those whims and fancies,
breathe in those airs you can claim as your own, 
tower over humbler mortals too subtle,
stamp down voices of reason coz they are different,
make yourself heard over your own din,
My, we are a spectacle, aren't we?
My, we are so obsessed, aren't we?
Lookee here, we are so good, aren't we?
You, who makes the dhobi call you Sirji,
My poor boy, you are but a sad little farji!!

M B yay!

Wrote this here a month back. Could only post it here now.

Five days into an MBA program and it just keeps getting amazing. From the day I landed in Ghaziabad and found it too humid and hot to my liking to the day the Regional HR manager of Reckitt Benckiser gave us a pep-talk on how the chances of us landing jobs in a company is positively remote, it has been a surprising ride so far.

The College campus has not given a reason for complaints nor have the efforts of the seniors in making us feel settled into this new journey. There have been irritants and there have been minor management glitches but then they are inevitable in my opinion. And who in their right mind blames people when storms bring down electrical lines and shuts off normal power..! Hopefully my Idea CUG sim will get activated soon so that I don’t have to see Airtel smiling anymore at my roaming rates.

The foundation sessions have been a mix of gyan, real good pep-talks, frightening albeit effective case studies sessions and mass sleep-sessions in the library. The guest lecturers have been amazing and the inspiration to do well as well as the tremendous pressure to scale up one’s skills have been enormous. The formal wear including the tie reminds me of my company training days. The choking feeling at the throat is a comforting familiarity in the midst of all things new.

There are already friends made and each day brings into focus new faces whose names are readily forgotten. The air conditioners provide some welcome relief from the stifling heat and the common restrooms in the hostels remind us of the very important duty of waking up early in the mornings. :)

On the whole, it has been a good first week. I write this after the first 5 days even though I have sessions tomorrow because I have the time today and the laptop handy. There are obviously more challenging days to come and hopefully, even more moments to cherish.

The hostels have decent facilities although sport enthusiasts will have to wait for a bit more before making use of all of them. An important point to mention here will be the large variety of food that the mess comes up with. To those of us who have normally seen hostel food that can be mistaken for something the dog threw up, this is bliss. Hope I don’t jinx it now. Come the week starting on 24th, there will be seniors in the campus and that will definitely spice things up a little more. :P

Ending this note with a profound statement that a Ghaziabad police inspector and his jeep full of cohorts told a group of 10 of us on the road on the first day in the city, “*&^&*^&$%^$%!! Tumhare mummy papa ne thumsup peene ke liye college bheja hai kya? $@#$#$%#$%!! ”

Ghaziabad.

Oh, you surprise me well.

Anything and Everything - Take 3 - Working!!

Most people attribute work to something that has to be done when you are not sleeping, eating or increasing the population. For others, the latter mentioned activities themselves take the form of work. But for half of the population that works, it just means getting enough money to buy food so that you can get something to eat and make your spouse shut up for a while and also get the strength to go work some more the next day.

While most people work and earn money, there are a slightly more significant number of people who earn money through a more rigorous practise of appearing to work.

This act of acting like you are working yourself to death is harder than it sounds. It is like a Private acting career. Unlike television actors, it does not guarantee a ready audience to appreciate your talent and hard work. In fact, if your acting skills in this area are not recognized, then you know you are doing quite well.

Although it is a highly specialized field, Working /Acting can be perfected by those who have determination in their genes. To NOT work that is..!

While trying to Act like you are working, always follow the first rule. Try to avoid having to act at all. This does not mean you have to work earnestly. God Forbid, No! Instead, it means avoid turning up for work such that you may actually be given work.

Arriving late and leaving early certainly improves your chances of not getting work assigned to you.

Also, join lots of clubs. It doesn’t matter if you are interested in them or not. This provides lots of meetings which you are required to attend through the course of a day and gives you a comfortable excuse/ proof to disappear when you find some work heading your way.
A fatal mistake to make though, is accepting these meeting requests. Actually attending meetings can backfire on you spectacularly because people can randomly assign duties to you depending on whether your face looks like a movie star they like or hate.

People always hesitate to give work to a person who they know is really busy. So make sure you appear that way.
Walk around with an expression that seems to suggest you are really tensed.
And always, make sure that you walk like you are really going somewhere, even if it is only to the Restroom.

Get your friends to call you at work and make it loads of fun for them too when you talk back to them in official lingo.
For example, a simple question like, “Heard any good reviews about the movie which released yesterday?” can be answered with a stern-faced, “I have looked in to the parameters and found them suitable to be recommended for further viewing at an appropriate date suitable for all parties.”

Oh, by the way… We know your secret…The fact that you are reading this puts you at number one on the list of celebrities who act like they are working!

Anything and Everything - Take 2 - Headaches!!

So many people go through Life without using their brains that the first thing we have to understand is that headaches are god's gift to those tiny brain cell's to make themselves be heard for a change.

It really does not matter what sort of work you do or where you work, but a seriously good head ache is one way of making sure you always have work left over for tomorrow.

When faced with a headache, make sure you have someone around. This is to ensure that you have somebody to irritate and become a headache for, thus providing you valuable company in your time of distress.

Most people try out the most common remedy for a headache: applying balm.
This has 2 advantages; One, you are left with a burning sensation on your head in addition to the ache: Two, it acts as an effective mosquito repellant.

The most common impact of a headache will be that you start to resemble a bat. No, it doesn't mean that you hang upside down from the ceiling fan or that you eat only fruits. What it means is that you will start to have an affinity for the dark.

Most researchers have attributed the phenomenon of Vampires to just people with very bad headaches. And they are so pissed when people disturb them while they rest, that they could positively drink their blood. Er, which they do!

Another viable option to handle a headache is the 'maalish'.
Just ask a good cook to practise mixing the atta for chapathi's on your head.
This may be particularly gruesome once the cook is convinced by the illusion that the atta has not been mixed correctly. But, it still helps. Also make sure he doesn’t start cutting vegetables on your head once he’s done with mixing the flour.

But, then a headache better than having to listen to a particularly Foul-mouthed Politician extolling his virtues. Because then you would have 2 headaches to deal with!!

Anything and Everything - Take 1 - Bus rides!!

Bus rides can be quite gratifying experiences, only because they open your eyes to the fact that you would have been much better off just walking to your destination.

Usually, the pleasure of a bus journey is directly proportional to how much the bus owner has let providing comfort for the passengers cut into his profit margin.

While waiting to board a bus, always make sure that there is some free space behind where you are standing. This is to jump back when the bus makes a last-ditch effort to not take you on board by running you over.

If it fails in this endeavor, you can board it provided you manage to get some part of yourself within the bus between the time it tries to kill you and then starts moving again in search of more victims.

Once you are inside the bus, it’s advisable not to stand smiling at the people already sitting in the bus. It’s possible they might think you are a hawker who has illegally gotten on board to sell his wares or are going to ask them to donate to charity, both of which are not going to push them to have a pleasant disposition towards you.

When you are looking for seats in a bus, always try to sit next to people who make it a point not to look at you. And as much as possible, try to avoid people who don't just look at you, but even smile and gesture that the seat next to them is empty. These are usually people starved of human company (usually because of a very good reason) or are on day 4 of their “Getting over your First Suicide attempt” Course. Or maybe they are just plain friendly souls, but, why take the chance.

If you are able to find a seat that no one else has laid claim to or booked for their future generations not unlike our country's political families, you can try to sit down.

Now this will prove to be quite a harrowing experience especially if you are the kind who show your solidarity with the farmers agitation by eating everything that they grow. You will have to pull up the hand rest if at all it is ‘pull-up-able’, suck in your tummy to fit into the narrow space between the seat in front and the one you are trying to sit on, then try to make your large behind fit into the crevice left between the armrest and the large behind of the person already occupying the other seat. All this while trying to hide from your co-passenger the fact that you involuntarily managed to pass gas during part 2 or 3 of the earlier process.

Once you get stuck in your seat, which feels like it was designed as the child seat for a car, you will notice that the bus undergoes a series of shudders every now and then. Do not be alarmed. It is just the bus driver chasing after some poor bloke dumb enough to wave the bus down or it could be that you are in India and travelling on a main road. In the latter case, try to raise yourself up from the seat every time the bus manages to find a pothole. This may make the shudders bearable or will at the very least help you digest those beans you had for lunch.

Once you have reached the destination, getting down involves correctly judging when the driver will next try to run over a passenger at the stop and then start his machine again.

All said and done, there is a reason to be thankful for reaching your destination in one piece. But, while you are stretching your back and thanking the gods, make sure you step away from the road. Because buses have this nasty habit of running over people who have just survived a bus journey..!!

Being Technologically Naive and Me

Heylo there....
This first post of my new blog is just another testament to the fact that I am a greenhorn at understanding technical stuff or settings. So, I thought I couldn't change my old blog to my current gmail account....and impulsive me just felt the urge to go create this new blog from my current and active gmail id.

Then later, I found out that one could import one's old blog to the present id... :) So problemo solved..I think!

Looking forward to posting about the activities of our recently launched Animal Club of Trivandrum. (ACT)

Signing off with famous words once said by someone famous,

When you are in doubt, it is apt to utter 3 fateful and profound letters... 'Duh...!!!!'

The Frozen Smile

She turned to face the eager crowd who were jostling with each other to get a glimpse of her.

She gave a perfect smile.

A gasp escaped from their lips as they saw her radiant smile.

Yes. She was the star today.

Her gleaming face vied with her sparkling dress for their attention .

The white colour of her skin was contrasting brilliantly with the black saree she had draped over her.

She raised her hand and gave a sluggish half-hearted wave. Not really to anyone in particular. Just the kind you are expected to give when you are the new attraction.

Even that drew more sighs and gasps.

It wasn't really easy to figure out if they were admiring her beauty, her costly dress, her enormous ornaments or just the fact that she signified a level of perfection and beauty none of them could ever hope to reach in their lives.

She swayed back on her heels.

Time to start the routine again.

She smiled her radiant smile again.

A new section of people gasped again.

'Sirf itna hi karti hai kya?', asked Ramu.

'Phir bhi kamaal hai yaar. Ek dum asli cheez dikhti hai door se.Lekin 2-3 din mein yeh bhi puraani ho jayegi.'

Yes. So let her enjoy her moment in the spotlight.

The small town textile shop's latest automated mannequin was having the time of her life.

Flaming Passion

Whew!!

Finally the day he had been waiting for had arrived.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. He started to get dressed.

The day he had imagined for so many days and nights; wished for with all the power of his heart had come true at last...

She had agreed to go out with him...

If that wasn't a foot in the door, he didn't know what was..

He pulled on a T-shirt with a smart quote written on it before pulling it off again.

He scanned across the various branded t-shirts lying in his wardrobe.

No, not t-shirts. Today was special. And special days warranted special clothes.

He sifted to the bottom of the clothespile to get the Maroon Shirt he had been gifted last year for his birthday.

Yes.

This would do the trick. He was sure she had only seen him wearing t-shirts and cargos till now.

This change would most definitely impress her.

He punched the air and did a double skip as he walked to the ironing board.

He switched on the Iron and set about styling his hair while the iron got hot.

What a tumultuous 3 months it has been.

The proposal.

The rejection.

His persistence.

Her denial.

Finally the wall she had built against him had started to crack. She had begun to accept him as part of life around her. As a Friend.

Maybe something more too in the near future, he hoped feverishly.

He ironed out the new shirt. It really didn't need much ironing, but he was determined to look his best for the first date of his life.

At last, satisfied with the ironed fabric, he put on the still hot fabric.

He always loved wearing the clothes while they were still hot from the iron. It gave him an extra feeling of being clean. The static charge excited him.

He admired himself in the mirror.

Not bad, he told himself.

Now all that was left was some good old perfume to finish the preparations.

He took the new bottle of the old brand and pressed the nozzle hard.


Amrith watched himself in the mirror as the shirt he had wearing till now disappeared in a burst of flames.

Fingers still unconsciously pressed on the nozzle, he watched as the flames spread towards the mouth of the nozzle.

One word escaped from his lips as he watched his date and life go up in flames...

'Aarthi...'

Bombjour

“Press the Button. Before it is too late.”
The words he had been dreading to hear came floating to him.
He looked left and right at the people milling around outside the vehicle.
It was crowded outside even with the afternoon sun beating down relentlessly.
Too many people.
Far too many people than the country needed right now.
Too many people with their fancy cars and huge wallets. Really huge wallets.
Wallets; he and his family never seemed destined to have.
That was the main reason he had become what he was now.
Though he had never realized it would come to this.
And now, he had to do it.
His superiors wanted it done.
It was another matter that he was in a vehicle filled with people.
People close to him, who expected better from him.
People, who would be affected by what he was going to do.
It had to be done.
There was no other way.
The time had come to press the dreaded button.
He looked down one more time at the Belt strung across him.
Just a piece of Cake, he told himself. It won’t matter.
But he knew it would. He knew it would change everything.

“Well, Rahul. Will you switch on the AC already? It is already getting too hot inside the car.”, his PM said from the passenger seat.
With a quiet miserly sigh and discreet nod of his head, he switched on the Air Conditioner and drove his car to the Project Party.

Disjointed End!!!

She stared at it.

It stared back, vengeance in every fibre of its existence.

She exhaled slowly, grabbing her wits around her as she readied herself for another attempt to escape.

She feigned a move to the side. It moved with her.

She backtracked and ran across as fast as she could. She could find it recovering from her change of direction and coming in hot pursuit.

She slipped on the watery floor that didn't offer any grip to her floundering legs.

She thought about the children she had left at home. Children whom she might never see again.

She imagined this was just one of those days when getting home would require a trial by fire. Maybe today wouldn't be the end.

She thought about her children again and her heart beat a little more faster; her urgency to escape over-riding her intuition which was telling her to play it safe and go into hiding.

It had almost reached her now.

More water splashed out in front of her as it threw a fierce wave of it in front of her.

Damn the creature.

She stopped short, not wanting to be made senseless again by the wall of water.

She skidded to a stop and paused for a fraction of a second in order to find a new way to escape.

A fraction too long.

The creature reached her and extended its long hands, preparing to deal the final blow.

She closed all her eyes and stood still. It was time to go after all.

[SWAT!!!]


As her own legs flashed in front of her, broken and disjointed, she heard a something in an unfamiliar language ring out..the last sound she would hear in this world....

"Memsaab...Bathroom mein jo Makdee thi...Woh mar gayi......"