Anything and Everything - Take 3 - Working!!

Most people attribute work to something that has to be done when you are not sleeping, eating or increasing the population. For others, the latter mentioned activities themselves take the form of work. But for half of the population that works, it just means getting enough money to buy food so that you can get something to eat and make your spouse shut up for a while and also get the strength to go work some more the next day.

While most people work and earn money, there are a slightly more significant number of people who earn money through a more rigorous practise of appearing to work.

This act of acting like you are working yourself to death is harder than it sounds. It is like a Private acting career. Unlike television actors, it does not guarantee a ready audience to appreciate your talent and hard work. In fact, if your acting skills in this area are not recognized, then you know you are doing quite well.

Although it is a highly specialized field, Working /Acting can be perfected by those who have determination in their genes. To NOT work that is..!

While trying to Act like you are working, always follow the first rule. Try to avoid having to act at all. This does not mean you have to work earnestly. God Forbid, No! Instead, it means avoid turning up for work such that you may actually be given work.

Arriving late and leaving early certainly improves your chances of not getting work assigned to you.

Also, join lots of clubs. It doesn’t matter if you are interested in them or not. This provides lots of meetings which you are required to attend through the course of a day and gives you a comfortable excuse/ proof to disappear when you find some work heading your way.
A fatal mistake to make though, is accepting these meeting requests. Actually attending meetings can backfire on you spectacularly because people can randomly assign duties to you depending on whether your face looks like a movie star they like or hate.

People always hesitate to give work to a person who they know is really busy. So make sure you appear that way.
Walk around with an expression that seems to suggest you are really tensed.
And always, make sure that you walk like you are really going somewhere, even if it is only to the Restroom.

Get your friends to call you at work and make it loads of fun for them too when you talk back to them in official lingo.
For example, a simple question like, “Heard any good reviews about the movie which released yesterday?” can be answered with a stern-faced, “I have looked in to the parameters and found them suitable to be recommended for further viewing at an appropriate date suitable for all parties.”

Oh, by the way… We know your secret…The fact that you are reading this puts you at number one on the list of celebrities who act like they are working!

Anything and Everything - Take 2 - Headaches!!

So many people go through Life without using their brains that the first thing we have to understand is that headaches are god's gift to those tiny brain cell's to make themselves be heard for a change.

It really does not matter what sort of work you do or where you work, but a seriously good head ache is one way of making sure you always have work left over for tomorrow.

When faced with a headache, make sure you have someone around. This is to ensure that you have somebody to irritate and become a headache for, thus providing you valuable company in your time of distress.

Most people try out the most common remedy for a headache: applying balm.
This has 2 advantages; One, you are left with a burning sensation on your head in addition to the ache: Two, it acts as an effective mosquito repellant.

The most common impact of a headache will be that you start to resemble a bat. No, it doesn't mean that you hang upside down from the ceiling fan or that you eat only fruits. What it means is that you will start to have an affinity for the dark.

Most researchers have attributed the phenomenon of Vampires to just people with very bad headaches. And they are so pissed when people disturb them while they rest, that they could positively drink their blood. Er, which they do!

Another viable option to handle a headache is the 'maalish'.
Just ask a good cook to practise mixing the atta for chapathi's on your head.
This may be particularly gruesome once the cook is convinced by the illusion that the atta has not been mixed correctly. But, it still helps. Also make sure he doesn’t start cutting vegetables on your head once he’s done with mixing the flour.

But, then a headache better than having to listen to a particularly Foul-mouthed Politician extolling his virtues. Because then you would have 2 headaches to deal with!!

Anything and Everything - Take 1 - Bus rides!!

Bus rides can be quite gratifying experiences, only because they open your eyes to the fact that you would have been much better off just walking to your destination.

Usually, the pleasure of a bus journey is directly proportional to how much the bus owner has let providing comfort for the passengers cut into his profit margin.

While waiting to board a bus, always make sure that there is some free space behind where you are standing. This is to jump back when the bus makes a last-ditch effort to not take you on board by running you over.

If it fails in this endeavor, you can board it provided you manage to get some part of yourself within the bus between the time it tries to kill you and then starts moving again in search of more victims.

Once you are inside the bus, it’s advisable not to stand smiling at the people already sitting in the bus. It’s possible they might think you are a hawker who has illegally gotten on board to sell his wares or are going to ask them to donate to charity, both of which are not going to push them to have a pleasant disposition towards you.

When you are looking for seats in a bus, always try to sit next to people who make it a point not to look at you. And as much as possible, try to avoid people who don't just look at you, but even smile and gesture that the seat next to them is empty. These are usually people starved of human company (usually because of a very good reason) or are on day 4 of their “Getting over your First Suicide attempt” Course. Or maybe they are just plain friendly souls, but, why take the chance.

If you are able to find a seat that no one else has laid claim to or booked for their future generations not unlike our country's political families, you can try to sit down.

Now this will prove to be quite a harrowing experience especially if you are the kind who show your solidarity with the farmers agitation by eating everything that they grow. You will have to pull up the hand rest if at all it is ‘pull-up-able’, suck in your tummy to fit into the narrow space between the seat in front and the one you are trying to sit on, then try to make your large behind fit into the crevice left between the armrest and the large behind of the person already occupying the other seat. All this while trying to hide from your co-passenger the fact that you involuntarily managed to pass gas during part 2 or 3 of the earlier process.

Once you get stuck in your seat, which feels like it was designed as the child seat for a car, you will notice that the bus undergoes a series of shudders every now and then. Do not be alarmed. It is just the bus driver chasing after some poor bloke dumb enough to wave the bus down or it could be that you are in India and travelling on a main road. In the latter case, try to raise yourself up from the seat every time the bus manages to find a pothole. This may make the shudders bearable or will at the very least help you digest those beans you had for lunch.

Once you have reached the destination, getting down involves correctly judging when the driver will next try to run over a passenger at the stop and then start his machine again.

All said and done, there is a reason to be thankful for reaching your destination in one piece. But, while you are stretching your back and thanking the gods, make sure you step away from the road. Because buses have this nasty habit of running over people who have just survived a bus journey..!!

Being Technologically Naive and Me

Heylo there....
This first post of my new blog is just another testament to the fact that I am a greenhorn at understanding technical stuff or settings. So, I thought I couldn't change my old blog to my current gmail account....and impulsive me just felt the urge to go create this new blog from my current and active gmail id.

Then later, I found out that one could import one's old blog to the present id... :) So problemo solved..I think!

Looking forward to posting about the activities of our recently launched Animal Club of Trivandrum. (ACT)

Signing off with famous words once said by someone famous,

When you are in doubt, it is apt to utter 3 fateful and profound letters... 'Duh...!!!!'

The Frozen Smile

She turned to face the eager crowd who were jostling with each other to get a glimpse of her.

She gave a perfect smile.

A gasp escaped from their lips as they saw her radiant smile.

Yes. She was the star today.

Her gleaming face vied with her sparkling dress for their attention .

The white colour of her skin was contrasting brilliantly with the black saree she had draped over her.

She raised her hand and gave a sluggish half-hearted wave. Not really to anyone in particular. Just the kind you are expected to give when you are the new attraction.

Even that drew more sighs and gasps.

It wasn't really easy to figure out if they were admiring her beauty, her costly dress, her enormous ornaments or just the fact that she signified a level of perfection and beauty none of them could ever hope to reach in their lives.

She swayed back on her heels.

Time to start the routine again.

She smiled her radiant smile again.

A new section of people gasped again.

'Sirf itna hi karti hai kya?', asked Ramu.

'Phir bhi kamaal hai yaar. Ek dum asli cheez dikhti hai door se.Lekin 2-3 din mein yeh bhi puraani ho jayegi.'

Yes. So let her enjoy her moment in the spotlight.

The small town textile shop's latest automated mannequin was having the time of her life.

Flaming Passion

Whew!!

Finally the day he had been waiting for had arrived.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. He started to get dressed.

The day he had imagined for so many days and nights; wished for with all the power of his heart had come true at last...

She had agreed to go out with him...

If that wasn't a foot in the door, he didn't know what was..

He pulled on a T-shirt with a smart quote written on it before pulling it off again.

He scanned across the various branded t-shirts lying in his wardrobe.

No, not t-shirts. Today was special. And special days warranted special clothes.

He sifted to the bottom of the clothespile to get the Maroon Shirt he had been gifted last year for his birthday.

Yes.

This would do the trick. He was sure she had only seen him wearing t-shirts and cargos till now.

This change would most definitely impress her.

He punched the air and did a double skip as he walked to the ironing board.

He switched on the Iron and set about styling his hair while the iron got hot.

What a tumultuous 3 months it has been.

The proposal.

The rejection.

His persistence.

Her denial.

Finally the wall she had built against him had started to crack. She had begun to accept him as part of life around her. As a Friend.

Maybe something more too in the near future, he hoped feverishly.

He ironed out the new shirt. It really didn't need much ironing, but he was determined to look his best for the first date of his life.

At last, satisfied with the ironed fabric, he put on the still hot fabric.

He always loved wearing the clothes while they were still hot from the iron. It gave him an extra feeling of being clean. The static charge excited him.

He admired himself in the mirror.

Not bad, he told himself.

Now all that was left was some good old perfume to finish the preparations.

He took the new bottle of the old brand and pressed the nozzle hard.


Amrith watched himself in the mirror as the shirt he had wearing till now disappeared in a burst of flames.

Fingers still unconsciously pressed on the nozzle, he watched as the flames spread towards the mouth of the nozzle.

One word escaped from his lips as he watched his date and life go up in flames...

'Aarthi...'

Bombjour

“Press the Button. Before it is too late.”
The words he had been dreading to hear came floating to him.
He looked left and right at the people milling around outside the vehicle.
It was crowded outside even with the afternoon sun beating down relentlessly.
Too many people.
Far too many people than the country needed right now.
Too many people with their fancy cars and huge wallets. Really huge wallets.
Wallets; he and his family never seemed destined to have.
That was the main reason he had become what he was now.
Though he had never realized it would come to this.
And now, he had to do it.
His superiors wanted it done.
It was another matter that he was in a vehicle filled with people.
People close to him, who expected better from him.
People, who would be affected by what he was going to do.
It had to be done.
There was no other way.
The time had come to press the dreaded button.
He looked down one more time at the Belt strung across him.
Just a piece of Cake, he told himself. It won’t matter.
But he knew it would. He knew it would change everything.

“Well, Rahul. Will you switch on the AC already? It is already getting too hot inside the car.”, his PM said from the passenger seat.
With a quiet miserly sigh and discreet nod of his head, he switched on the Air Conditioner and drove his car to the Project Party.

Disjointed End!!!

She stared at it.

It stared back, vengeance in every fibre of its existence.

She exhaled slowly, grabbing her wits around her as she readied herself for another attempt to escape.

She feigned a move to the side. It moved with her.

She backtracked and ran across as fast as she could. She could find it recovering from her change of direction and coming in hot pursuit.

She slipped on the watery floor that didn't offer any grip to her floundering legs.

She thought about the children she had left at home. Children whom she might never see again.

She imagined this was just one of those days when getting home would require a trial by fire. Maybe today wouldn't be the end.

She thought about her children again and her heart beat a little more faster; her urgency to escape over-riding her intuition which was telling her to play it safe and go into hiding.

It had almost reached her now.

More water splashed out in front of her as it threw a fierce wave of it in front of her.

Damn the creature.

She stopped short, not wanting to be made senseless again by the wall of water.

She skidded to a stop and paused for a fraction of a second in order to find a new way to escape.

A fraction too long.

The creature reached her and extended its long hands, preparing to deal the final blow.

She closed all her eyes and stood still. It was time to go after all.

[SWAT!!!]


As her own legs flashed in front of her, broken and disjointed, she heard a something in an unfamiliar language ring out..the last sound she would hear in this world....

"Memsaab...Bathroom mein jo Makdee thi...Woh mar gayi......"

Birth of a Saviour

The Inspector looked across at Tony.

Tony stared right back. A defiant smirk on his face.

Finally they had met. This was always meant to happen.

Tony running from the police and the Inspector right on his tail.

Roshan: Give it up Tony. You know you have done wrong.

Tony: Wrong? Ha..please, Insector, How in the world do you think that I have done anyting wrong?

Roshan: Oh, I suppose torturing and killing those 5 men was a mistake, was it?

Tony: No. That was no mistake. They deserved it. But it was a mistake to let the 6th one escape. He jumped out of the window before I could get to him.

Roshan: So what? He jumped from the 10th floor window. He died immediately. What more do you want?

Tony: I wanted him to die slowly. Painfully. By my hands. He was guilty. They were all guilty.

Roshan: You could have let the courts decide that.

Tony: I know what happens in our courts. I knew where it was going. The courts don't work anymore in our country.

Roshan: You are in grief Tony. It has made you unstable.

Tony: Why are you mincing words inspector? Why don't you just call me Mad on my face?!

Roshan: (sigh) I understand your loss, Tony.

Tony: Oh, you do, do you? Well then, tell me how it feels inspector? TELL ME HOW I FEEL?!! YOU PSYCHIATRIC PIECE OF CRAP!!!!!

Roshan: ...

Tony: Cat got your tongue, inspector? Ha...I thought so...There is not one sane person who can tell me that what I did was wrong. I might be in grief. I might be mourning the loss of my family. But what I did was not in any fit of rage, inspector. I planned for it and I executed it. I executed them.

Roshan: So now that you have got the murderers of your family; Now what, Tony?

Tony: Oh, I don't know, Sir.

Roshan: You don't know?

Tony: You see...when I started out, this was just my revenge, my vengeance. But somewhere along the way, during all the read-up I did on my victims and their past crimes, I realised these people were just the insignificant tips of the iceberg. Nothing more than Roaches. Now, I feel like going after the big guns.

Roshan: They will put you down Tony. Just like they did to all the rest before you.

Tony: Oh, no they won't. They can only put me down if you release me to them, Inspector Roshan.

Roshan: You know I will, Tony.

Tony: I wasn't asking you Roshan. Just letting you know, thats all. You don't have the guts to reign me in. You never could. I wanted to have this last meeting with you before I started out on my tasks. Thats why I took the bait you had set for me. I will cleanse this land of the scum that rule and deface it. FOR THIS IS MY DESTINY!! Haven't you read the Gita, Inspector?

Roshan: I..I don't remember..

Tony: The Lord says, "Whenever there is a withering of the law and an uprising of lawlessness on all sides, then will I manifest myself. For the salvation of the righteous and the destruction of evil, for firmly establishing of the law, I come to birth age after age" Don't you understand Inspector..??! That is me. For this age, am the manifestation!!!

Roshan: Settle down Tony.

Tony: Too late for that, Inspector. Hahaahahaaaaa...

[Tony picks up the vase lying nearby and smashes it into the mirror he is staring at]

As the shards of glass fall and streak his face, somewhere, deep inside Tony, with each burst of maniacal laughter that Tony laughs, Inspector Roshan feels himself taking his last breaths. There is no more Roshan. Only Tony. Who will also be Inspector Roshan in the days to come. After all, it is Destiny...

Tony:

"yada yada hi dharmasya
glanir bhavati bharata
abhyutthanam adharmasya
tadatmanam srjamy aham"....hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!