Bus rides can be quite gratifying experiences, only because they open your eyes to the fact that you would have been much better off just walking to your destination.
Usually, the pleasure of a bus journey is directly proportional to how much the bus owner has let providing comfort for the passengers cut into his profit margin.
While waiting to board a bus, always make sure that there is some free space behind where you are standing. This is to jump back when the bus makes a last-ditch effort to not take you on board by running you over.
If it fails in this endeavor, you can board it provided you manage to get some part of yourself within the bus between the time it tries to kill you and then starts moving again in search of more victims.
Once you are inside the bus, it’s advisable not to stand smiling at the people already sitting in the bus. It’s possible they might think you are a hawker who has illegally gotten on board to sell his wares or are going to ask them to donate to charity, both of which are not going to push them to have a pleasant disposition towards you.
When you are looking for seats in a bus, always try to sit next to people who make it a point not to look at you. And as much as possible, try to avoid people who don't just look at you, but even smile and gesture that the seat next to them is empty. These are usually people starved of human company (usually because of a very good reason) or are on day 4 of their “Getting over your First Suicide attempt” Course. Or maybe they are just plain friendly souls, but, why take the chance.
If you are able to find a seat that no one else has laid claim to or booked for their future generations not unlike our country's political families, you can try to sit down.
Now this will prove to be quite a harrowing experience especially if you are the kind who show your solidarity with the farmers agitation by eating everything that they grow. You will have to pull up the hand rest if at all it is ‘pull-up-able’, suck in your tummy to fit into the narrow space between the seat in front and the one you are trying to sit on, then try to make your large behind fit into the crevice left between the armrest and the large behind of the person already occupying the other seat. All this while trying to hide from your co-passenger the fact that you involuntarily managed to pass gas during part 2 or 3 of the earlier process.
Once you get stuck in your seat, which feels like it was designed as the child seat for a car, you will notice that the bus undergoes a series of shudders every now and then. Do not be alarmed. It is just the bus driver chasing after some poor bloke dumb enough to wave the bus down or it could be that you are in India and travelling on a main road. In the latter case, try to raise yourself up from the seat every time the bus manages to find a pothole. This may make the shudders bearable or will at the very least help you digest those beans you had for lunch.
Once you have reached the destination, getting down involves correctly judging when the driver will next try to run over a passenger at the stop and then start his machine again.
All said and done, there is a reason to be thankful for reaching your destination in one piece. But, while you are stretching your back and thanking the gods, make sure you step away from the road. Because buses have this nasty habit of running over people who have just survived a bus journey..!!
Usually, the pleasure of a bus journey is directly proportional to how much the bus owner has let providing comfort for the passengers cut into his profit margin.
While waiting to board a bus, always make sure that there is some free space behind where you are standing. This is to jump back when the bus makes a last-ditch effort to not take you on board by running you over.
If it fails in this endeavor, you can board it provided you manage to get some part of yourself within the bus between the time it tries to kill you and then starts moving again in search of more victims.
Once you are inside the bus, it’s advisable not to stand smiling at the people already sitting in the bus. It’s possible they might think you are a hawker who has illegally gotten on board to sell his wares or are going to ask them to donate to charity, both of which are not going to push them to have a pleasant disposition towards you.
When you are looking for seats in a bus, always try to sit next to people who make it a point not to look at you. And as much as possible, try to avoid people who don't just look at you, but even smile and gesture that the seat next to them is empty. These are usually people starved of human company (usually because of a very good reason) or are on day 4 of their “Getting over your First Suicide attempt” Course. Or maybe they are just plain friendly souls, but, why take the chance.
If you are able to find a seat that no one else has laid claim to or booked for their future generations not unlike our country's political families, you can try to sit down.
Now this will prove to be quite a harrowing experience especially if you are the kind who show your solidarity with the farmers agitation by eating everything that they grow. You will have to pull up the hand rest if at all it is ‘pull-up-able’, suck in your tummy to fit into the narrow space between the seat in front and the one you are trying to sit on, then try to make your large behind fit into the crevice left between the armrest and the large behind of the person already occupying the other seat. All this while trying to hide from your co-passenger the fact that you involuntarily managed to pass gas during part 2 or 3 of the earlier process.
Once you get stuck in your seat, which feels like it was designed as the child seat for a car, you will notice that the bus undergoes a series of shudders every now and then. Do not be alarmed. It is just the bus driver chasing after some poor bloke dumb enough to wave the bus down or it could be that you are in India and travelling on a main road. In the latter case, try to raise yourself up from the seat every time the bus manages to find a pothole. This may make the shudders bearable or will at the very least help you digest those beans you had for lunch.
Once you have reached the destination, getting down involves correctly judging when the driver will next try to run over a passenger at the stop and then start his machine again.
All said and done, there is a reason to be thankful for reaching your destination in one piece. But, while you are stretching your back and thanking the gods, make sure you step away from the road. Because buses have this nasty habit of running over people who have just survived a bus journey..!!
I wish u gave me these tips when u told me to catch a bus @ 9.30pm near Medical Coll, once upon a time!!
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